When I knew Aaron probably did not have much time left, I wanted to make sure I could do whatever I could to see that he knew Jesus. There is nothing I wanted more for my son than to know he would make it to Heaven. I prepared him the best I could by reading the Bible with him and he loved it. The truth is I cannot determine if Aaron goes to Heaven, but this experience drew me closer to God and closer to the truth. Aaron did that for me. He brought me closer to God and closer to the Truth.
Grieving is tough. I miss him. I want to squeeze him. I want to hear his little voice. I want to hear his laughter. I want to snuggle with him on the couch. I want to read books all day like we used to and learn new things. I miss reading the dictionary with him. I miss hearing the sounds of trains all day. It hurts. It hurts bad.
I cry every day. Some more than others. But I am mostly happy. I stay busy and have the most amazing friends. My life has been so full that I started turning friends away until next year because I am exhausted. I haven't rested much since Aaron's death. My health started to get pretty bad, but is finally turning around.
I read the Bible almost daily. I want to see Aaron again and selfishly this has been my motivation to learn about where he is and how I can see him again.
When Aaron died, most people said to me that Aaron is healed in Heaven and I wanted to believe that, but I never truly did. I did not believe that Aaron was in Heaven dancing around with dogs or cooking or chasing trains. I was even told to read Heaven is for Real because I did not believe Aaron was in Heaven. I read the book and saw the movie and it was a bunch of bogus to me. I didn't believe one bit of that either. I really struggled for a month or two with how I would see my baby again. Then I decided to go to the only place I could find answers. The Bible. Anyone or anything else that tells me what happens after death is just guessing. I wanted to know for real. I found my answers. I will see Aaron again and we will go to Heaven. And I can't wait. I am ready. But until my time is up on Earth, I am going to continue to learn from my child and do what he would do... Be brave!
P.S. Nowhere in the Bible does it say when we die we go to straight to Heaven.
